Hello friends! It's been two weeks to the day since I "officially" decided to go on a mission. Or, in other words I told my bishop I really wanted to go. It's only been a week and a half since I started my papers. And tomorrow , ladies and gentlemen, I meet with the Stake President to submit my papers! It seems like every time I see anyone these days they want to here about when I decided, how long I've been thinking about it and what finally helped me decide.
So, I'm going to tell a little bit of my story here. Of course it's not going to be the full story and if you want to know more details you'll have to ask in a more intimate setting but here's the basics. About three months ago I had recommitted to really STUDYING while reading the scriptures. As I began to read with a greater desire to learn what God wanted for me in my at this particular time, all the missionary stories seemed to stick out to me so much more than they usually did. I suddenly realized how much of God's power they carried with them and how truly remarkable these men were. I wanted to be more like them. Every time I read about a man that had changed his life around, come to God, and then preached repentance and salvation I felt like I could connect to them. I felt I'd finally found what brought me real joy. I wanted to share that with everyone around me. When people were experiencing sorrow I wanted to teach them of the atonement.
Anyway, every time I felt this I sort of pushed it away because I already had a plan for the next year and a half of my life. I had weaknesses I needed to overcome and I felt I wasn't ready to serve. I was scared to leave and not be here when my best friend got home. I was nervous about other people's reactions. So, after after talking to the bishop a few times I had made a tentative decision that I would stay in Provo while going to school. I was happy with that decision because it was easy. I didn't have to grow in any way and I could stay within my comfort zone.
Then I went to the temple and had the incredibly overwhelming feeling of unease. I felt like I was lying to myself or exaggerating the level of comfort I felt about this decision. Have you ever felt just icky about yourself after you have kind of ignored personal inspiration that you've received? Well I've felt like this a lot because I tend to be extremely stubborn and The Lord has to tell me things multiple times before I finally listen. That was about three and a half weeks ago. I started praying earnestly for God to bless me with the courage to actually start the process of filling out my papers, telling my parents and beginning mission prep. I felt so incredibly inadequate.
Thankfully God knows me SUPER well. I was called to be a relief society teacher around this same time. As I was preparing the lesson I kept complaining to my roommate that I didn't know how to do this. She doesn't know this yet, but in reality, I was putting off the lesson because every single time I started preparing I felt like the spirit was shouting in my ear "YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TEACH THE GOSPEL! GOD WILL HELP YOU." As comforting as this was I didn't feel like I was ready to accept it. I felt like no one understood where I was coming from either. Then I read a scripture that changed my whole perspective. In John 15:14-15 Christ tells his disciples that they are his friends, and he tells his friends all things they need to know. This was exactly what I needed. I finally realized that I wasn't going to do this alone. I was going to become closer friends with Christ. God was going to be working through me the entire time. At that point I knew that I wasn't only supposed to go, but I WANTED to go more than anything. The next day I felt the spirit incredibly strong all day.
Three days later I was sitting in the bishop's office. As I bore testimony of Christ, and his church I knew this is what I was supposed to doing. I've never felt so much peace in my entire life. As my bishop pushed the button to open the forms I felt the pure joy of the gospel. I was jumping for joy up to cloud nine.
And I haven't come down since then.
I submit my papers tomorrow.
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I'M SO EXCITED!!!
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I'M SO EXCITED!!!
4 comments:
Shaunz! You're awesome!! I'm so happy for you! And you'll be the hottest missionary!
OMG. You are so amazing. I wish I could be just like you, Shantel Byron.
Ok, that's it for the slightly sarcastic comment.
But really, you are pretty amazing. I'm so glad that we could be roommates this summer and that we could both grow in the Gospel and prepare to teach the Gospel in our different ways. I know you're going to be a wonderful missionary and I can't wait to find out where you're going!
What I like about this story is how we all go through this: that God has something else in store for us that is not what we planned, something that we think is harder or not fun, but how once we accept it, as you have so eloquently shown, our life gets happier and things get better.
God never wants us to do something that will hurt us. God never wants us to do something that will be bad for us. And you have so shown this to be quite true: that God only wants our happiness.
Thank you for sharing!
Yay! thank you for this! I feel bad that we haven't talked in so long since you first started this process. But thank you for including me in it in a small way by talking to me. You will be a wonderful missionary! (But I will miss you too...)
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