Two Years

***Disclaimer, this is a very revealing post about my life. If you don't want to know the details of your crazy friend don't read on. However, as most of you already know all this I encourage you to keep reading.
A few years ago my life got turned upside down and little did I know this was only the beginning. There were many tests to come, however, two years ago today I decided I wanted to change my life. I wanted to share my sorrows with Christ, I wanted to feel the strength and power of the atonement. I decided I NEEDED to change my life in order to have the desire to keep living it. Along the way there have been many bumps and unexpected turns. For so long I've wondered when I was going to understand the trials I was going through. I've worked so hard to put my life in His hands to let him lead me where I need to be. I didn't understand how I was ever going to look back on my experiences and see the bigger plan. I think that day has finally come. I can look at the past five years of my life and see how much I've learned. That doesn't mean I don't feel pain when I think back on some of those times, it just means I can see who I've become through them. As I look back I'm in awe of the person I am today. Two years ago I never would've believed someone if they told me I was going to transfer to UVU to study Social Work and Family Life and be at peace with that decision.
So many people have helped me along the way and I'd just like to mention a few of them.
I don't think I ever truly realized why I was born into the family I was until I came to school.
My brother, Chad, is always here for me even though he lives half-way across the country. He has listen to me moan and groan about so many things. He's been my voice when I needed help but I couldn't cry out. He strengthened my testimony of the priesthood by his daily acts. He's shown me the man I need to wait for, the kind of man I deserve and I know I will marry someday.
My mother is my rock and I really don't know how anyone that doesn't talk to their mom DAILY gets through any challenge. I hope to be half the woman she is. I hope to understand the atonement as well as she does and have the confidence she possesses. I hope to love my children as deeply and sincerely as she does.
My sister is someone who has completely changed my outlook on life. I used to be the girl that wanted a career so badly after she got married and had kids. Don't get me wrong, I still want a career prior to starting my family, but seeing that woman with her children has shown me how sacred motherhood is. Her example of faith through her infertility has shaped the career path I've chosen, and the path I think I was always meant to take in this life.
My therapist, who I've chosen not to name is the kindest man I've ever known. He has been patient, loving, encouraging, and direct when I needed it. He helped me see the future I wanted. He helped me see that I could love life again- that I could be excited and joyful for every single day. He helped me see the talents I possess and showed me how to use them. I know when I get to the other side Christ will be a lot like him.
Which leads me to the last person that has CARRIED me through the last few years. My Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I never knew I could be loved so deeply until I turned my life over to him. He healed me, he healed my stony heart and my cold, lonely self. I am in awe the more I get to know him and develop a personal relationship with him. He has led me through these hard times in order for me to become the disciple he needed. I can only imagine what it will be like to kneel at his feet as I weep only and thank him for all he has done for me.
I know I have much to learn. I will face other challenges in this life that will try my faith but right now I'm proud of my accomplishments. I will shout to the world that my Savior was the one and only who put the people in my life that I needed. I love his gospel and the opportunities he gives unto me to learn and grow.
Two years ago today was the start of a great journey. The journey continues and I press on with faith, patience and hope in my future.