Simple Serendipity

Mine

2012-02-14T05:29:00.003-07:00

As many of you have asked me if I'm doing ok after my last post I've decided to make things a little lighter in this post. Although I don't have anyone currently here to call my valentine, I feel like my heart does belong to a certain someone at the moment. So I'm going to list a couple of things I love about the boy I'd like to call mine.

I love and miss:

That he calls me Shaunz. In his sexy voice, it may just be my favorite sound in the world.

His sense of adventure and the way he loves life.

That we're silly together, not necessarily romantic.

How happy he always is, even in his writing you can hear it.

The way he can get me to do adventures I've never done before.

His playfulness.

His love of the gospel.

The vans and glasses.

His acceptance, of EVERYONE.

How he loves having his hair long and my hair short.

The fact that he has to grow his facial hair out for a week for it to barely show and he's SO proud of himself when it does. He thinks it helps him get the chicas.

How he wants everyone to see the beautiful things in life.

The love he has for his family.

The way he protects me.

The way he always makes me laugh, about everything.

His knowledge and testimony of the atonement.

The way he is with my family.

The way he is always striving to become better, and how he makes me want to do the same.

His laugh.

His smile.

His skinny jeans :)

His obsession with BYU basketball.

How he teases me.

That we could talk for hours on end.

How spontaneous he is.

Dancing and singing in the car with him.

His kisses.

Him holding my hand while driving.

Long walks.

His dedication and hard work.

How he talk about others, without any judgement at all.

How he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

The way he listens.

His need to always be doing different things.

His love of History.

How we told each other everything, and he still loves me after all of that.

The way he looks at me.

How obsessed he is with Inn n' Out.

His nerdy side.

The dreams we have about each other.

The way he tells me when I'm being ridiculous and girly, but allows me to be anyway.

His love of music and how he relates it to everything in life, that he can get answers through every type of music.

His humility.

His willingness and desire to serve.

The way he worries about me and checks up on me.

How he hates serious wedding pictures, that he'd rather just be smiling.

How he uses the talents that only he has to share the gospel.

Skateboarding and snowboarding. Enough said.

That he does everything on his own timetable.

How he gains a testimony of every single commandment, without following blindly.

How he's still just like a little boy.

That he wants to have a big family.

The way he is with his nephew.

His love of learning.

How he's helped me through my depression, and accepted it.

His voice when he talks about God and the Savior.

I just love him.

This has been a positive valentine's day post. I'm impressed with myself. :)

A side note, I challenge all of you to think of the people in your life that you love (even in a non-romantic way) and let them know how much you love and appreciate them today. I love you all. I love the encouraging comments you post and my friendships with every single one of you. They mean the world to me. Happy Valentines Day! May it be filled with happy memories of those you love.

Love,

The Not So Confused Blogger.

Spout Off

2012-02-12T06:20:00.002-07:00

Please be a dear and put up with my negative thoughts of the night: Seriously? How did I get in this position again? Second place, the best friend, the messenger, the cheerleader. I'm done with this side of a relationship. I really struggle with the idea that we are supposed to marry our friends. In my experience, friends, who already have an established friendship outside of romance cannot date because 1- They don't see you in that way or 2- They're in love with a roommate/best friend. And probably start dating this said roommate/friend. 3- You're the person they can talk to about dating problems. 4- The timing isn't right.
Ladies, where do you find guys to date if you can't date the guys that are already in your pool of friends? How do you put the thoughts of insecurity and comparing out of your head at times like this? How do you continue to have motivation that Mr. Right will come along? If you already think you know who he is, how do you hold on to that hope and not let it die? Do you get fears that it might not work out between you two and you'll be left alone? How do you deal or cope with that? Sorry for the babble. Your Confused Single Blogger.

A New Day

2012-02-03T12:02:00.007-07:00

Hello my dear readers. I haven't written in quite some time and with all the changes in my life as of late along with some needed encouragement from the wonderful Audriana Payne (How crazy is that?) I've decided the time for quite a few posts/explanations of life/grateful lists/vent sessions has come.

First off lets start with a little summary of my life! One month ago I plunged into my new life by moving into a Provo apartment. Can we say weird? The day I moved in I just kept thinking "I'm going to be living in Provo, me the girl that never wanted or expected to live here." Well by the end of the day I was all settled in. It wasn't as weird as I thought but definitely very different than Logan.

The first week was great, I moved in a whole week before UVU started school so I had a lot of time to just chill and get to know most of my roommates. They were all so great. I automatically felt like I connected with them about something or other. I think we're all very different but we enjoy a lot of the same things (HP, Hunger Games, yummy food, late night denny's runs, and BOYS).

Anyway, then I started classes at UVU. I love most of my classes. My favorite thing about UVU so far is the personal attention that is shown to every single student. I feel like my professors genuinely care about my progress in the class and it shows. Out of all the classes I'm taking Social Work is definitely my favorite. I'm learning a ton and already feel like this is what I should be doing the rest of my life.

As I've already said, there will be many more posts to come; but for now i'll just end by saying how grateful I made this switch. I'm grateful for the Lord's patience with me, he just kept telling me what I was supposed to do and even when I ignored it he found a way to bring it to my attentionuntil I finally agreed. I'm so glad I did. Life is good today.

True Conversion

2011-12-10T23:01:00.007-07:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Debbie on Pinteres t

"True conversion yields the fruit of enduring happiness that can be enjoyed even when the world is in turmoil and most are anything but happy. Of a group of individuals in difficulty the Book of Mormon teaches: "They did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling of their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."

-Richard G. Scott

Honesty

2011-11-28T16:24:00.002-07:00

He that loseth his honesty hath nothing else to lose.

-John Lyly

New Tunes

2011-11-17T01:04:00.002-07:00

I added new music to the blog. These are a few of the tunes I've been obsessed with lately. I'm going through a hardcore country phase. I don't know what it is about "Honeybee" but it gets me every single time. It's one of those songs that you can just blast in your car and know that everything is good. Beautifully, I don't even have to explain why I love this song. Just listen, you'll fall deeply in love with his voice. Keep Breathing is currently on top of my Ingrid Songs list- don't worry it changes daily. How to Love, this is obviously Sammi rubbing off on me. This video is beautiful, watch, cry, love. More Than Anyone, I want this played at my wedding. That is all. The End. El Fin.

Tis the Season

2011-11-16T22:23:00.002-07:00

This is an excerpt from a letter I wrote this week:

A few days ago we decorated my apartment for Christmas. Yes, I know other people might say it’s too early but in my opinion after Halloween is over bring on the holidays and the decorations. We put up lights in the window, a nativity set, little signs and decorated our tree. Then we read a children’s book called Ellen’s Christmas Dress. It got me so excited for Christmas. I know everyone loves Christmas but I REALLY love Christmas. I cried when we read the book because of the spirit that I feel at this time. I love how service-oriented I feel during the holidays. I feel like I’m my best self during these few months. I’m more focused on Christ, on his birth, his atonement and his attributes. I feel that we grow to love each other during these months and I really come to realize every year what a big role Christ plays in my life. The joy that abounds during the holidays has to be a little taste of what heaven feels like. So here are my 3 favorite Christmas traditions in no particular order:

1. Reading Grandpa, Me & The Wishing Star on Christmas Eve at my grandma’s house with all my extended family. My grandpa died when I was young but I remember him very well. The story is about a little boy who spends all his Christmases with his Grandfather, he calls him his best boy. Then he dies and the little boy feels sad and angry. Heavenly Father helps him feel peace by looking up at the star that he and his grandpa used to wish on. He tucks himself in to bed, looks out the window to see the star and feels someone whisper to him “Who’s my best boy?” and he says I am. It’s supposed to be a metaphor for the Star that appeared the night of the Savior’s birth and how each one of us are his “best boy.” I cry every single year. It makes me miss my Grandpa but know he is serving on the other side and I’m still his little Angel Eyes.

2. My mom’s book tree. So in my house we have 3 different trees- the family tree with all our ornaments (the pretty one), my dad’s golf tree, and the book tree. The book tree is always in the kitchen and it has colored lights on it. My mom has over 30 children’s Christmas books that she wraps each year. Every night from thanksgiving until the end of December we open one of the books. My mom makes us hot chocolate, we turn on the fireplace and she reads to us. I know this makes me sound super childish but I LOVE this tradition. I feel safe, happy and protected during these times and all the books remind me of the true Christmas spirit. This is a tradition I will definitely be doing in my family. I already do it at my apartment.

3. The angel tree at PG. It hasn’t always been there but I absolutely love doing angel tree or sub for santa. I think one of the most sacred experiences you can have is providing God’s children with things they wouldn’t have otherwise. It means you are acting in the name of the Savior just as you are with the ultimate gift of the gospel. Last year in our ward when we went to deliver gifts to a family the oldest son was there. All he was getting was a coat and a few toys. He cried and told us that he knew miracles still happened and we had delivered a miracle to his family that day. This year our apartment is going to adopt a child and I’m so excited to see the look on her mother’s face when we deliver the gift.

Two Years

2011-10-29T08:53:00.004-06:00

***Disclaimer, this is a very revealing post about my life. If you don't want to know the details of your crazy friend don't read on. However, as most of you already know all this I encourage you to keep reading.
A few years ago my life got turned upside down and little did I know this was only the beginning. There were many tests to come, however, two years ago today I decided I wanted to change my life. I wanted to share my sorrows with Christ, I wanted to feel the strength and power of the atonement. I decided I NEEDED to change my life in order to have the desire to keep living it. Along the way there have been many bumps and unexpected turns. For so long I've wondered when I was going to understand the trials I was going through. I've worked so hard to put my life in His hands to let him lead me where I need to be. I didn't understand how I was ever going to look back on my experiences and see the bigger plan. I think that day has finally come. I can look at the past five years of my life and see how much I've learned. That doesn't mean I don't feel pain when I think back on some of those times, it just means I can see who I've become through them. As I look back I'm in awe of the person I am today. Two years ago I never would've believed someone if they told me I was going to transfer to UVU to study Social Work and Family Life and be at peace with that decision.
So many people have helped me along the way and I'd just like to mention a few of them.
I don't think I ever truly realized why I was born into the family I was until I came to school.
My brother, Chad, is always here for me even though he lives half-way across the country. He has listen to me moan and groan about so many things. He's been my voice when I needed help but I couldn't cry out. He strengthened my testimony of the priesthood by his daily acts. He's shown me the man I need to wait for, the kind of man I deserve and I know I will marry someday.
My mother is my rock and I really don't know how anyone that doesn't talk to their mom DAILY gets through any challenge. I hope to be half the woman she is. I hope to understand the atonement as well as she does and have the confidence she possesses. I hope to love my children as deeply and sincerely as she does.
My sister is someone who has completely changed my outlook on life. I used to be the girl that wanted a career so badly after she got married and had kids. Don't get me wrong, I still want a career prior to starting my family, but seeing that woman with her children has shown me how sacred motherhood is. Her example of faith through her infertility has shaped the career path I've chosen, and the path I think I was always meant to take in this life.
My therapist, who I've chosen not to name is the kindest man I've ever known. He has been patient, loving, encouraging, and direct when I needed it. He helped me see the future I wanted. He helped me see that I could love life again- that I could be excited and joyful for every single day. He helped me see the talents I possess and showed me how to use them. I know when I get to the other side Christ will be a lot like him.
Which leads me to the last person that has CARRIED me through the last few years. My Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I never knew I could be loved so deeply until I turned my life over to him. He healed me, he healed my stony heart and my cold, lonely self. I am in awe the more I get to know him and develop a personal relationship with him. He has led me through these hard times in order for me to become the disciple he needed. I can only imagine what it will be like to kneel at his feet as I weep only and thank him for all he has done for me.
I know I have much to learn. I will face other challenges in this life that will try my faith but right now I'm proud of my accomplishments. I will shout to the world that my Savior was the one and only who put the people in my life that I needed. I love his gospel and the opportunities he gives unto me to learn and grow.
Two years ago today was the start of a great journey. The journey continues and I press on with faith, patience and hope in my future.

I Love It When...

2011-10-19T03:42:00.005-06:00

Tonight has been... HARD. I finally thought I had my life figured out. But, I'm learning of patience, faith, and hope. I have so many negative things I could say but I thought I would echo my dear friend Audriana in expressing the things that make me blissfully happy. I'm going to list 50- sorry I know that's excessive I just need to count the blessings. I encourage each of you to either list a few of your happy items in the comments or on your own blog and leave the link for me in my comments. I'd love to read them.

Here we go...

Coming home to hot chocolate after a long day in the cold.
Long drives in which you figure out what's been troubling you lately
Hearing a voice of a loved one you haven't heard in ages
Letters from said loved one
Hugs from your mommy and daddy (Yes I'm 20 years old and I still love this)
Kisses, loves, waves, smiles, and giggles from the twins and Addi
Seeing how much my sister loves her children. Sometimes even thinking about it makes me tear up a little.
The autumn air of Logan
Seeing a close friend overcome an obstacle
Dance, of the contemporary style
Long telephone talks with Chadley when I laugh so much I cry
The sense of adventure when an airplane takes off
The peace that comes with a fresh (un-stepped in) blanket of snow that covers my parents backyard.
My grandma's cabin. Everything about it just screams home. Here you're welcome, safe, protected and loved.
Books.
The temple
The thought of having little ones running around calling me mama someday. Heaven.
Recognizing God's hand in my life.
Finding a song that explains my emotions perfectly
Completing an artsy project
Antique tea cups
Twinkle lights
Spontaneous rainstorms
Grandpa, me and the wishing star
Falling asleep outside in the middle of a summers day
Expressing my emotions through art
Adoption stories
Being a should to cry on
New hair colors and cuts
Seeing a loved ones face after I give them the perfect gift
The stars on a clear night
Walking barefoot in the spring
Plays with the madre
A compliment from a stranger
The sound of rain on a tin roof
Developing new talents
Witnessing joyous reunions
Reading old journal entries and seeing how much I've grown
Him holding my hand while driving
Leaps for no reason at all
Listening to roommates boy stories while being completely, ridiculously girly and giddy.
Being reminded of my divine role as a woman
A brand new pair of cute long, warm socks.
Laughing about everything when you're so tired that it all seems to be funny
Dainty diamond wedding rings
Justin Giles' choreography
Wool tights
Fog around old main and on the quad
Baths with a good book that last for hours
Ruffles, lace, sparkles, bows and anything else completely girly

Driving Around in Circles

2011-10-19T02:17:00.002-06:00

I just found out that my life is taking a turn I didn't expect. These lyrics explain my thoughts on this little wind in the road...

They say that home is where the heart is
I guess I haven't found my home
And we keep driving round in circles
Afraid to call this place our own

And are we there yet?

They say there's linings made of silver
Folded inside each raining cloud
Well, we need someone to deliver
Our silver lining now

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
Home, home, home
Home, home, home

They say you're really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
Home, home, home
Home, home, home

Where you will lie on the rug
While I play with the dog
And it won't be too much
'Cause this is too much
'Cause this is too much for me to hold
This is too much for me to hold

Home, home, home
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?

Home, home, home
Home, home, home, home

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there?

Enough

2011-10-02T05:33:00.002-06:00

To all my girl friends out there that follow my blog, I have a question for you. I guess I just need to know how you deal with this little problem I'm experiencing or if you have it at all. So, I blogstalk. A lot. I really love reading other's work. I sincerely believe that writing is an art form even when we aren't the most talented writers on the planet. Usually I love reading the inspiring lives of others. Yet, sometimes, I find myself reading about my friends and even some strangers and comparing myself to them.

Tonight I was reading this blog (http://stephanieromney.blogspot.com/) and started wondering how people are doing so much with their life. She has done so much for this world and she is literally MY age, a few months younger even. As mentioned in my earlier post most of the time I feel great when I just get everything done that I need to while staying above water.

Is this a problem for anyone else? Tell me what you do to avoid it?

P.S. I am not fishing for compliments or "You're wonderfuls". I genuinely desire to know how you handle this problem.

Cry

2011-10-02T03:32:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I feel that we see tears as a sign of weakness. Let me just say I couldn't live without tears. They are words from the soul that can't be spoken. I've been a lot more private with my emotional break downs this year. However, that isn't to say I don't have them anymore, I just wait. I wait until I'm left alone to listen to music and truly feel the emotions I'm having. As I sit here I feel a lot of things. Here are the only lyrics I could find to explain how I feel.

The storm is coming but I don't mind.

People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world, instead I sleep.

I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.

All I can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing

Now, Now

Now, Now..., Now...

All that I know is I'm breathing.

All I can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing.

The Homies

2011-09-27T02:33:00.010-06:00

Hello long lost blogging world. I know I tend to fall off the universe from time to time but it's only because I'm living so much wonderful life. The next few posts will be an update on my life currently.About a month ago I moved back to Logan and back into the greatest apartment complex ever, Continental! (I mean who wouldn't want to live in an apartment straight out

of the seventies that has the worst parking lot ever known to mankind, bathrooms small enough to use for solitary confinement, and the ugliest color of bricks ever made.) No, in all honesty I really do love this complex. The ward is amazing and the people are so genuinely kind.

My roommates are some of the coolest girls I've ever met so go ahead and be jealous. I really wanted to do roommate pictures last year but we never got around to it so this year I was a stickler and got them done within the first few weeks.

Emily

I met Miss Emily Landeen (left) a little over a year ago and we just loved each other so much we decided to kick it again this year. Emily has a place in my heart that none of my other roommates have ever been able to fill. My freshman year I loved all my roommates but I always felt like they didn't know all of me because we enjoyed very different things. Enter Emily Landeen. This girl loves Harry Potter, Musicals, Art, Sociology, History, and Music almost as much as I do. We can have endless talks about all sorts of topics and even when we don't agree we both leave feeling fulfilled and open-minded. Throughout our

relationship she has always been giving and selfless. I can truly say that she is always looking out for other people. She's taught me the importance of simple kindness.

At the beginning of this year I know we were both a little anxious to see what this year had to offer our friendship due to personal situations in both of our lives. However, she has continued to amaze me with her strength, courage, and love.

Beca

Now Becs (right). Ah Beca. If I had to explain Beca in one word it would probably be spontaneity. Beca knows how to handle her life in a way that no matter what's going on around her, she's happy. This girl always keeps me smiling with her funny little habits. She's extremely friendly to everyone we meet and I have yet to hear her say she doesn't like someone. Beca loves the joy life has to offer. As she was saying the other day, "If you live life fearing everything because it might be a little weird, you aren't really living life." She knows how to relate to so many people and I respect her love and kindness to all those around her, even those that are different. I've learned so much from her about acceptance and I can't wait to learn more!

Tina

When I first met Tina (right) my roommate and I were busy moving in. My mom kept saying, "You should probably go talk to her more, she probably feels left out." Looking back on this I tend to laugh a little bit because I feel as thought Tina and I clicked almost instantly. I don't know how it was for Tina but you know when you meet someone and you just feel like you've known them forever?Like if you were to have an emotional break-down only three days after meeting each other they would just hold you and tell you exactly what you needed to hear? That's how I felt with Tina. It's a good thing too since I have had numerous said breakdowns since we met.

Tina is the type of girl I aspire to be. She has gone through so many trials in her life but you would never know it. She never complains and uses all her hardships for her good and improvement. Tina is the kind of woman that would drop everything to go visit someone that needed it, even if she didn't know them. She has the sweetest personality that makes you smile from ear to ear. She genuinely loves people because she knows they are true sons and daughters of our heavenly father. My testimony has been strengthened so much by just witnessing the way she leads her life. She is going to one heck of a wife to some lucky man someday!

Jordan

I don't think I've ever laughed at more of the seemingly most stupid things in world with anyone else. Jordan has the ability to make me laugh when I just want to be mopey or mad. I love that Jordan and I have the same sense of just telling it as it is sometimes. Jordan works her butt off and still makes time to have fun with me which I love! I would seriously challenge anyone that's having a bad day to hang out with Jordan for an hour and see how you're feeling afterward. Jordan invited me to a concert on a whim and probably thought nothing of it. If she knows it or not she was listening to the spirit and obeying his command when she did so. She's introduced me to a new artist and a song that has seriously saved my life. I'll be forever grateful for the example she is! I just love her so BAD!! :)

Samantha Florence

Oh Sam. I've known this girl for as long as I can remember. You all think I just exaggerated. I didn't. We've been besties since we were 2. We both prayed continuously to know if we should live together, and got the same answer, YES! Although many people have been apprehensive of this arrangement, ourselves included, this is exactly what we both needed this year. She is continuously helping me progress and grow into the woman I want to be. She knows me more than I know myself at times. She keeps me in line when she can see I'm fading and takes on burdens that aren't her own for my benefit. She's shared her family with me this semester as I ease my way back into college life. Samantha understands my fears and my hopes and goals. She doesn't see me as weak but as a person that has come so far and I'm so grateful for that. She encourages me to go out of my comfort zone, to try new things that will fill my life with happiness.

Although she doesn't see herself in this light at all, I admire the way Samantha takes on new responsibilities and tries new things without one ounce of fear. She listens to the Lord and then does exactly what he says without fear or doubt. I have so much to learn from her in that area. I'm so proud of the woman she is becoming and how we've progressed together over the years.

Overall, I scored the jackpot this year. It has been one of those experiences that has strengthened my testimony of the ability the Lord has to lead us to the people and the places we need in our lives. All my roommates know I struggled last year but I don't think they knew how scared I was to come back and face it all again. They've helped me have confidence in myself and my ability to overcome my weaknesses. Without knowing it they have all been my angels. I love you girls!

What I Can't Say

2011-07-04T01:51:00.010-06:00

All the little things I which I could say but I can't, so I'll post the pictures here instead.

Adele + Contemporary = Beautiful Obsession

2011-06-23T12:41:00.001-06:00

So here's my usual weekly SYTYCD favorite. I may have a soft spot in my heart for contemporary. Just maybe.

Before We Turn to Stone

2011-06-16T15:30:00.003-06:00

The look on her face around 1:12 is perfection. I love how you think it's almost over and then all the power comes back in. Seriously incredible.

A Way Back To Then

2011-06-08T08:58:00.011-06:00

One of my favorite musical theater songs has this lyric...
I aimed for the sky
A nine-year-old can see so far
I'll conquer the world and be a star
I'll do it all by the time I'm ten
I would know that confidence
If I knew a way back to then

Lately I've been missing my younger years, I know that's ridiculous to say since I'm barely twenty, but somehow this age is just completely different than the 'simple' years.

I was recently going through all the little notes/cards I've received over the years and I came across a little note of encouragement after what seemed like at the time, the biggest failure yet. It was from Haley Johnson. She wrote about how when she was young she was going to find out what happened to Amelia Earheart and the only reason we didn't know yet was because she hadn't tried to figure it out. She said that a little boy can be told he's not superman over and over but he still believes he can fly. It reminded me of how I used to be, I was fearless. I knew nothing of doubt but only of hope and possibilities. So I chose the 2 things I miss the most that I've allowed the world to change and decided what I'm going to do to incorporate them back into my life. I think when I do this I'll feel more like the me I miss and wish I still was, the me who believed I could do anything because I didn't listen to the world's perceptions of myself.

So here we go...

1. I miss dance. I've tried deny this for SO long because lets face it, I don't have the "right" physique. I quit for a lot of reasons but one of them was I couldn't ever have the body the other girls did. Still, every time I watch a contemporary dance I can't help but long to just get up and start dancing. I don't remember a lot of technique but I remember how I felt when I was floating on stage. It's one of the best ways I've found to express all those things that are too personal- too painful, too deep, or just too sacred to say out loud. That's why I've decided to take an intro to modern dance class this fall. I'll have to work hard to keep up but I'm so excited to feel the rush of emotions that come in the middle of routine again.

2. I miss loving what I'm learning. I used to have such enthusiasm for my favorite topics in school. I haven't been able to figure out why I detest most of my classes for my major when the same subject was one of my favorite in high school. I've decided I love certain time periods in history but others I just find flat out boring. I want to have a passion for something like I used to. But I haven't dared to change my major because of what people would think- she's just giving up, what would she do with that major. But I'm rejecting those ideas, I'm changing my major. This is one of those big changes I was referring to. I'm going to get my degree in Family Life and work with troubled families, youth, abused women and hopefully much more. I want to bring joy back into people's lives and this is how I plan on doing it.

Until Next Time Dear Reader.

Sisters at Heart

2011-05-23T08:31:00.007-06:00

Well folks, guess what? Sammi came home to visit for a week and decided by the end of the first night that she was going to stay for 3 weeks!! The past week has been so fun with her here. It's reminded me of all she is to me and this is why I dedicate this post to her.
Sammi has always been someone I can laugh with. I remember the 12 yr old girl that had imaginary friends, short little hair and was a little bit of a freak right along side me. We were great friends that could laugh and play together. Then high school hit. We still did things together but we were very distant. Senior year came with a lot of ups and downs. It started with us super close. We hung out every weekend and did pretty much the same things all the time but I loved it. Cafe rio runs and house hunting always served us well. Toward the last half of my senior year we started drifting for reasons I only blame myself for. The summer before my freshman year we hardly talked at all. However, during all of this I knew she really cared about me and knew I just needed to grow and learn alone for a while.
After a very long year that I had grown more than I ever thought possible we went on a drive over spring break. I asked Sammi how she lived the way she did. I'll never forget what she said. "I live this way because it makes me happy, not because I know it's what I'm supposed to do or because I want to impress the people around me, just because it makes me happy. That's enough for me and it pushes me to strive to be better everyday." I knew then that I needed to stop pushing against her and let her all the way back into my life because she had so much to teach me. That summer was filled with great memories- boyfriends, rodeos, and fabulous group dates.
All of these were nothing compared to the year that was to come. Up to now in our little timeline, Sammi was the friend I wouldn't ever let all the way in. She just seemed too perfect to let her see everything about myself. Like she wouldn't still love me if she knew.
My sophomore year of college was here! I was so excited about my living arrangement and the new friends I would make. I was a little apprehensive about Sammi being in Logan, only because I didn't want to hang out with her so much that I wouldn't make other friends. This was far from what actually happened.
This where the post is going to be directed toward Sammi-
Sammi I don't think you'll ever know what a great blessing it was to have you in Logan this past year. You were always available when I needed you. Even when I wanted to do the lamest things (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun). I opened myself to you completely and you were one of the people I knew would always keep my secrets. You were emotional with me, you were serious when I needed you to be even though that is one of the hardest things for you to be. You taught me how to be myself and do it for only me. You taught me the importance of hard work and dedication. You taught me so much about what my relationship with Heavenly Father could be. You taught me about patience, repentance, love, and happiness. You held me when I needed it. You were there on the days that all I felt was pain. And instead of making things awkward or getting mad that I was sad you just sat with me and let me cry or made me laugh. When I finally made some life-changing decisions you were the most supportive out of everyone. You were selfless and let me know that you just wanted me to be happy. The day I left Logan was so incredibly sad. Yet, that morning when I drove away from your apartment I knew you would always be someone I could count on. You know so much about me Sammi. You love all of me and it's incredible to me. You know the REAL me and the me I am trying to become. You've never said one unkind word to me. I'll be indebted to you until the end of time. I can't wait for the new memories that are waiting to be made with you as my new roommate!

Faith

2011-05-16T09:39:00.005-06:00

"Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death."

You might say I'm a little stubborn, alright I'm extremely stubborn. I like things done my way and in my time. I've had to work hard on giving my life over to the Lord so that he can show me what to do and when to do it. I tend to run away from any promptings I get that would bring any major changes into my life. But guess what I've realized? All those promptings that usually bring doubt and fear are the exact changes I need for me to be as happy as the Lord intends. So, after learning all of this I've finally decided to take a leap of faith. I'm going to take a risk. I can't wait for the blessings that await. There are some major changes about to happen in my life. This is vague enough right? I'll just end with a few great quotes.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." - Unknown

"And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: 'Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown!' And he replied: 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."
- Minnie Louise Haskins Oct. Conference 2005

Current Listenings

2011-05-11T11:56:00.007-06:00

I realized I haven't posted in weeks. Which is actually quite funny since I spend a good amount of everyday on the computer at work blog stalking. Anyway, I decided to write a short little post of my song obsessions of the day. They change daily but today they go something like this...

The Edge of Glory - My Girl Lady Gaga
This is the perfect mixture of ballad meets pop. It might even be my current favorite of the 4 singles that have been released from the new album. It's super different than anything of hers and it makes me super excited for all the tracks on Born This Way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S08KonZiew4

Face Up - Lights
I was introduced to this lovely song by none other than Elder Randle. This song hit me so hard when I first heard it. Everytime I listen I'm reminded of the beauty of this life and how important it is to keep pushing even when things get hard. I completely love this line, it reminds me we aren't alone... Look at the people all around you, the way you feel is something everybody goes through. Dark up but you still gotta lie up, you need to wake up, gotta keep your face up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtgMSidl1zU

Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
I love everything about this video. The song is completely gorgeous and has revived my Dixie chicks stage into full swing. I mean just take a look at Natalie Maines face in the close ups, completely full of flawless emotion. Not to mention the black & white shirt/skirt combo. Love. This is my new blast in the car while on drives song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI

I See The Light - Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi
Ok, how can you NOT love this song? I mean really. "All at once, everything is different, now that I see you." It's so sweet. No girl wouldn't want this sung to them. Take a listen.

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAqUpcIV06I

There ya have it, let me know what you think! A substantial post will be coming soon.

P.S. Super Bass - Nicki Minaj

Lovely

2011-04-14T04:09:00.009-06:00

Lovely - Sara Haze

I don't wanna be hurt
I just want to be little old me
Shouldn't have to think
Who am I suppose to be today
And what gave you the right
To tell me who I should be
Who gave you that right

Cause I, I feel lovely
Just the way that I am
Yes I feel lovely
The way that I am

I know you want the best
Yeah only good things for me
But you have to realize
I can't be all these things you project on me
Cause I'm beautiful to me
Doesn't that mean a thing

I feel lovely
Just the way that I am
Yes I feel lovely
The way that I am

I need that to be enough for you
Need that to be enough for you
Cause it's enough for me
It's enough for me

I'm I suppose to give up everything I am
Just to make you happy
I thought I was the one you
Always wanted me to be
It turns out I'm just little old me
I'm just little old me
And that's fine by me

Cause I, I am lovely
Just the way that I am
Oh yes I am,
Yes I am lovely
The way that I am
I am lovely lovely
I am lovely

We Do Not Fear Life

2011-04-04T23:49:00.008-06:00

I haven't posted in a few months but I just have a few things I need to get out of my system. This post is going to be a little bit of a thankamony but I've found this to be the easiest way to stop thinking my life is falling apart. I just need to go through the list of all the people that are teachers in my life right now and thank them. I'm not looking for anything back after writing this. I just need to write this all out to see how amazing my life really is.

Audriana Jayne - You always believe the best in people. You see a person that everyone else automatically labels as bad news and you take them in. You love people because you know everyone has the potential to become something better than what they are. You have a true understanding of the atonement and it's ability to cleanse others of their mistakes and wrong doings. Thank you for being my "mom" and just holding me when I need it. I can truly say I've never connected with a friend on such a deep spiritual level in my life.

Jake Andersen - You understand that life is for laughing. You continually teach me that God wants me to happy through my trials and learn from them. You teach me the importance of hard work and sacrifice. You teach me that happiness takes work, I can't just expect it to come without doing anything in order to receive it. You make me smile when all I want to do is cry and work when I want to give up.

Julie (Mama) Byron - You handle life and it's challenges with such grace by looking outside yourself and always making time for your children. You have one of the most sensitive hearts that I one day hope to attain. You understand that your worth is determined by the Lord and not by others. I can sincerely say that you are my best friend. I know you'll love me even in the moments I can't find love for myself.
Sterling Randle -Even though I can't personally talk with you right now I find such strength in your letters. I know you write your emails to everyone back at home but I can't help but think certain things in them are for me. Thank you for teaching me how to listen to the spirit. You've taught me that everyone has different talents that help us build the Lord's kingdom. You teach me that we always have the ability to improve and come unto Christ. You continue to teach me how to look at the world and life as an adventure and something we must not fear.
Brooke Laursen - You continually teach me of faith. You have faith that everything will work out if you just give your all unto Christ. I've seen you blessed countless times this year due to your faith. Everyday I am working to build faith as strong as yours. You have been such a great roommate to me this year while I've struggled. I know its all very frustrating to you but you need to know that you've been an angel to me this year. You are going to bless so many people's lives by being their own personal angel while on your mission and for many years to come.

I have so many other people in my life that have blessed me substantially. The people listed are just in my thoughts and very near and dear to my heart at this moment in time. I love all of you that are reading this. Thank you for listening to the spirit and being an instrument in the Lord's hands at all times and an answer to my prayers. You will be blessed for you faithfulness.

P.S. - I know all these pictures are extremely outdated, you can tell by the ever-changing stages of my hair. My new goal is to take more pictures!

Sunday Will Come

2011-03-04T07:01:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlc5RvmWN4s

Sacred Power

2011-01-31T16:01:00.005-07:00

"I bear witness of the power of the priesthood given to the Church to protect us and guide us. And because we have that, we have no fear of the future. Fear is the opposite of faith. We move forward, certain that the Lord will watch over us."
President Boyd K. Packer
I love the gospel. I love the Priesthood and the friends I have that honor it. I'm so grateful for the power it has in my life to comfort me in my times of need. It gives me the opportunity to see how incredible life really is.

Bliss

2011-01-30T01:01:00.003-07:00

This is how I want to be with my husband.

Complete

2011-01-21T09:48:00.005-07:00

I feel that I must preface this post by saying that yes, I know I am a nerd. But guess what? I'm doing this thing as of late called loving myself. I'm trying to accept things about myself and learn to embrace my loves. As nerdy as they may be they bring me joy and make me the person I am. As most of you know I love History. I've had this love for quite a while. However, some of you may not know that I'm also very interested in Sociology and am now studying it as my minor. I love the way these two subjects overlap and the way I can connect the past to the present through studying sociology. This semester has already brought so much excitement into my life through the wide variety of sociology and history courses I'm taking.
Anyway, enough of this little introduction. Last night as I was doing my reading for Social Inequality (yes I do thoroughly enjoy this class, thank you for asking) on a functionalist view of the division of labor in society I came across this little gem...
"As richly endowed as we may be, we always lack something, and the best of us realize our own insufficiency. That is why we seek in our friends the qualities we lack, since joining with them, we participate in some measure in their nature and thus feel less incomplete." -Emile Durkheim
Yes, I do realize that this quote is really referring to how we as a society build off one anothers talents to form a society of competition that is necessary to our well being. But somehow this quote was just the thing I needed to hear yesterday. It hit me so hard that while I may not be have every quality I admire that my roommates, friends, or members of my family possess, I still have vital qualities which other people learn and benefit from. As we recognize the chance we have to grow into a more perfect child of God, we must embrace it with humility, realizing that we were sent to this earth in a family for a reason. The Lord doesn't expect us to do it all alone. We have the resources among us that are necessary to help us feel more complete. We reach our full potential by seeing those qualities among others and incorporating them into our lives. Along with this, we must accept the unique talents that we ourselves have that can help others feel more complete.
I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to gain an education and for the tender mercies the Lord shows me in the most unexpected places. I challenge each of you to include the Lord and our Heavenly Father more fully in your lives; whether that means letting them help you with school, work, or just life's hard times in general. He will help you. I've seen it already in the short amount of time school has been in session. I'm so grateful for the passions the Lord has given me. Life is wonderful!

My School is Cooler Than Yours

2010-12-22T02:57:00.004-07:00

Silent Dance Partys n' stuffs from Madison Waters on Vimeo.

So... I've been missing Logan a lot these past few days. Don't get me wrong I've loved being home. But I miss my roommates SO much! I found this video on a friend's blog (credit goes to Madi) and it made me so homesick! Every semester on the Wednesday of finals week everyone in the library howls, this year there was a silent dance party with everyone wearing headphones. IN THE LIBRARY. This shows the amazingness that is my school. I miss it dearly. A real post will be coming later this week.

Unlocked Emotions

2010-12-15T22:36:00.006-07:00

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

I saw this video on a blog I'm sure a lot of you follow. I've shown it to all my roommates and watched it countless times. I am completely in love with it. It reminds me of everything that dance allowed me to portray: power, strength, sorrow, joy, depression, success, emptiness, love, simplicity, frustration, beauty and freedom. I love any art form that has the ability to evoke all of those different emotions all at once. I have a great sense of admiration for anyone that takes an experience that has defined them; that defined their raw, natural, bare self and turns it into an art to show the world. That is most certainly what Ryan Woodward has done here. People might think it's a little silly to say I feel so much when I watch this video, or even when I dance, but to those people I use the words of Angela Monet, "Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."

But There Were Lessons Learned

2010-12-07T01:52:00.002-07:00

It's funny how things change for the better. A year ago I never would've seen myself in the place I am now. I didn't want to admit that I needed to fix a lot of things in my life. I didn't want to admit to myself that I wasn't truly happy. I was stubborn and didn't want to listen to so many of the people that were really looking out for me. I thought I understood in high school what it meant to have people that define your lives. Boy was I wrong. I have had so many experiences, people, failures and successes that have truly shaped my life. I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the place I was in all those months ago. I very much am. It helped me see who I wanted to be. As I look at myself today I see little pieces of so many individuals. I think the main thing I've learned and continue to learn daily is that every person in my life can teach me something. A classmate can teach me the value of learning. She can make me realize how little I really know and help me treasure every single lecture or assignment. A roommate can teach me the importance of positivity. She can teach me how to look at life with joy. An old friend that comes back can remind me of the simplicity of love. Love doesn't need to be as complex and romanticized as so many people make it out to be. You love someone irregardless of what everyone else thinks. You love someone because they bring out the best in you. You love who and what you are when you're around them. You love them because they allow you to see life in a different light. My mother has taught me how to love with the deepest part of her heart. She loves people even when they don't show her that they love her back. I believe she should be translated because of people and experiences she has been through that she has handled with such grace. I've learned about love from my sister. She's such a wonderful mother, she puts everything she has in to her two little girls. My excitement concerning motherhood has grown immensely since Abi and Bella were born. This all leads me to a side note. I found out a few days ago that I'm going to Ohio over Christmas break to see my Brother, Sister in law and precious little Addison. I'm ecstatic about this. First of all, I get to go with my magnificent mother who I miss deeply. Second, I get to spend time with my legitly awesome brother whom I haven't seen since May. This man is one of the people that has shaped so many things about myself. I forget how much I miss him until I talk to him on the phone and realize how truly amazing he is. Third, I get to help Beka out with her new baby. Fourth, I get to see Addison be blessed. I know I'm going to cry a lot. I love tears sometimes. Fifth, I'm going to a new city. We all know I love travel. Sixth, and the greatest reason, I get to spend a whole ten days with one of God's greatest creations. A little baby girl. This alone will teach me so many lessons God is just waiting to teach me. Don't worry I'll take a plethora of pictures. I know this post is extremely sporadic. I'm deeply sorry for that. My mind is just full of so many thoughts. None of which consist of finals, papers, and assignments. Better get on that. Thank you for reading. May we all learn to recognize the lessons those around us have to offer.

This is the Definition of Cute

2010-12-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM8XoT7qnxY

Right now I should be studying for my test. I'm fully convinced I'm all studied out for at least 10 minutes and have therefore decided I get to share this adorable video my roommate's brother helped out with. This is why I love Christmas. You can't deny the little warm feeling you get. Off to take another final.

Something Beautiful to Me

2010-11-30T01:40:00.001-07:00

As I write this post I'm sitting in my hallway with a girl. A girl I like to call Brooklin. Yes, it might be 1:43 in the morning. yes, am. but Brooklin is still awake with me talking about school, life, church, boys, and love. (I love Love.) Brooklin is one of the five incredible girls I live with. She is one of the biggest answers to prayer I've ever received. Brooklin has been through so many experiences that are exactly like me. We relate to each other like we're the same person. Despite all she has been through, you would never guess she was ever anything less than greatness. Brooklin has this incredible way of looking at life. Today, I was in an extremely chipper mood because if you haven't noticed there is snow on the ground, and while that might make everyone else grumble and moan, it makes me feel like I'm floating on clouds. I got home to find that Brooklin had experienced a death in the family last night. I wanted so badly to comfort her as she has me but I didn't know exactly what to say. Yes, it took her a few hours but it amazed me to see her throughout the day. She went on with her day, doing her homework, making us all smile, decorating the house with us and reminding us how much we all love each other. She insisted on "family" prayer with the entire family. Then she sat through a movie she probably wasn't too fond of to satisfy the wants of her somewhat ridiculous roommate. (Myself being that roommate) She sacrificed time to be with our roommates when she could've been with her boyfriend. She knew I needed that. Now she sits with me in the hall after almost an hour writing in her journal after we've talked about the gospel and she's once again amazed me with her sincere, honest, heartfelt, and true desire to be as close to the Lord as she can possibly be. Tonight, I'm grateful for a sister that will sit with me as we discuss silly little things like: love stories like the notebook, a boy that makes her truly happy, and our beautiful friendship as we marvel at the white blanket of snow and think of the one that loves us enough to give it to us. Thank you Brooklin Hubbard, for showing me how to see something beautiful in every situation. You are the answer to my prayers.

Delightful Days

2010-06-17T01:05:00.000-06:00

I haven't been this incredibly happy is SO long! Every day is so amazing, the best part is I'm sharing it all with some of the people I love the most. I got to see an old friend tonight and it just made me realize how blessed I am. A longer post is coming soon, I promise but for now, this is what I'm looking forward to...

By the end of this year I'll be an aunt to not only adorable twin girls but also another baby from my brother Chad and his wife Bekah. I'm busy making crafts!!

My Head's in the Clouds and I Can't Come Back Down

2010-04-08T20:44:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I just want to wish away time, don't get me wrong I love my life now but i fantasize about what my life will be like one day. Someday I'll earn my degree in the subject that I love and change the world by looking to the past, I'll teach children what happened at sites like this one and how it's important for our future...

Someday I'll meet a man that wil make me laugh when I want to cry and smile when I want to scream. He'll take me on little inexpensive dates where we ride bikes or go on a picnic...

Someday that boy and I will decide we love each other and we want to spend the rest of eternity together...

Someday my handsome husband and I will live in a cute little brightly colored house somewhere close to D.C. with a little front yard where our kids can play much like this one...

Someday I hope to be half as incredibly graceful and caring as the women I admire, like Ilene Olsen, Julie Byron, Mandy Ogaz, Bekah Byron, Anna Bowman, Hilary Norton and Audri Marler. Someday. But for now I'll just work toward all those beautiful dreams and be happy in the now.

There's so much to rejoice in.

Don't Want to Forget Come Daylight

2010-02-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

I've decided with the help on the encouragement of some of my friends to start blogging again. Since the last time I wrote was over a year ago I'll catch up on my life really fast. I live in Logan, Utah and attend USU while majoring in History. This is the greatest place I could be right now. I love everything about my little apartment and my family away from home. I couldn't ask for better roommates and friends. I crave me this girl named Anna who is something close to a sister to me. But alas she lives in big bad Ohio. This semester is crazy but already I love it so much more than last. I've been working on focusing on the good things in my life and I've found I have so much to be grateful for.

The simply amazing things:
My incredible friends
Vintage Wedding blogs
Roommates that stay up to cry, laugh, or dance with me
Books that inspire; The Night I disappeared and Pride and Prejudice being among my favorites Hair dye
My history textbook (I know I'm a complete and total nerd)
My institute teacher that truly is a man of God (I highly recommend Brother Maughan)
The atonement and the role it plays in my life daily
The knowledge that I have a heavenly father who loves me
And last but not least... Lyrics.
These are my newest favorite.

Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk
Been up all night staring at you wondering what's on your mind
i've been this way with so many before but this feels like the first time
you want the sunrise to go back to bed
i want to make you laugh mess up my bed with me kick off the covers
i'm waiting every word you say i think i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
happy to lay here just happy to be here i'm happy to know you
play me a song your newest one please
leave your taste on my tongue
paperweight on my back cover me like a blanket
mess up my bed with me kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think i should write down don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry that's wastin time
and no need to wonder what's been on my mind it's you
it's you it's you every word you say i think i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and i give up i let you win you win cause i'm not counting
you made it back to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming

There is a Future After All...

2008-11-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

So... I got accepted to Utah State Today with an academic scholarship! Go Aggies! I am pretty set on going there at the moment but it will probably change in about 5 minutes... yeah i'm pretty indecisive about like the biggest decision I've had to make yet. I love BYU-Idaho as well and I got my ecclesiastical endorsement today so I just have to write my essays and then I'll be done with that mother of a process! I want to graduate today! Only 192 days, total till I graduate! Yay!

Falling For Fall

2008-11-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

So... I just barely started this whole blogging thing and not gonna lie, I think I could get addicted! My life basically consists of music, friends, yearbook, and family right now. I'm doing a lot of stuff for applications and I probably have the most senioritis out of anyone you've ever met! I love the weather right now and I"m hoping to get some pictures of the leaves on the ground.. cause oddly enough that is my favorite part of fall. It's getting late so I"m just gonna leave you with a mental image of what me and sophie went through today... Have you ever tried to get out of a gated community when the gate is closed without a car and no code? Yeah if you are in for a really big adventure you should try it sometime!